Friday, October 8, 2010
Unsolicited Concepts For Donovan McNabb and Alexander Ovechkin's Capital One Ads
CONCEPT 1: Donovan is leaving Fed Ex Field after a particularly tough defeat. Alex pulls up in his whip for their Sunday visit to Dairy Queen (a dietary indulgence that each man can afford once a week at most).
"I'm am sorry Donovan," says Alex. "That was a truly heartbreaker."
"Thanks, man," Donovan replies. Then: "Oh SHIT! I had to pay the pool guy to fish out that dead squirrel right before the game, I'm out of cash!"
Suddenly, like a lightbulb: "Capital One Bank," says Alex. "They're everwhere."
"Oh man, you're right Ovie!" Donovan is effervescent. "When we get to DQ, I'm treating you to a chili dog and a Blizzard!"
CONCEPT 2: Alex is spotting Donovan as he works on his bench press. Donovan finishes his set, grabs a towel.
"Whew!" he exclaims.
"Make sure you always are locking it out," Alex reminds him. "That last set was not looking so good."
Donovan concurs. "You're right man. It's just, I feel like I'm not getting the kind of pump I need from my supplements. I'm worn out lately!"
"I know of a guy," Alex offers. "He is super underground, only having the shit that is not in the Vitamin Shoppes yet. However he is taking cash only."
"Hell man, I don't feel like driving across town to BB&T just to get some cash," Donovan replies.
Alex grabs Donovan by the shirt collar and pulls him Eskimo-kiss close, staring unblinking into his eyes. "Capital One Bank," he hisses. "They're everywhere."
Donovan is nonplussed.
CONCEPT 3: Donovan is trying to book a seat on a flight to Saint-Tropez five minutes before it departs National Airport. His credit card is declined.
"I'm terribly sorry Mr. McNabb," the firm but accommodating young lady at the ticket counter tells him.
"No, no, it's fine," he replies. "Damn! I knew I shouldn't have put all those cases of Orca caviar on that card right before this trip! Orcas don't even lay eggs!"
Almost before he can finish the sentence, an enormous hirsute hand floats before his face, clutching a freshly minted American Express black card, issued by...
"Capital One Bank," says Alex. "They're everywhere."
"Alex!" Donovan exclaims, dumbfounded. "You're a lifesaver! But aren't you supposed to be playing a game right now?"
"Yes." Alex gestures to a nearby airport bar, which is broadcasting a live feed of a Caps-Sharks game in the first period. Alex has already scored twice and is attempting a penalty shot.
"Woooowww," Donovan says. "You really are something else, man!"
"I got to go," Alex says.